I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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