fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
