I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
