There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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