worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
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I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
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It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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