im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
