frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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