But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
