you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I didn't notice because vodka
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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