I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
