I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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