My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize