have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
