and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
