Porn is love you can see.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Last time i carry you out of a forest
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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