honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
