felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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