Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
