I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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