i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
