just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
