My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have feelings that need drinking.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize