I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wish you could order shots online.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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