I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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