My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
