She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
