Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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