Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The power of my boobs compel you
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
