here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
