you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
