At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
