i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
