Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
