my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
