I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
