The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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