hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
