Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
