Buhtt sex?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
