i was born a porn star she said
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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