Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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