My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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