You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
