You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
