My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
