hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
