So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
