and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
