We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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