I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
