The maid of honor just puked.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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