just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
