soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
