I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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