Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
