The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
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Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
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I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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