I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
