i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
