just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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