do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
