We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
