you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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