This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
